Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
