I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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