Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Damn victory sex feels great
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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