Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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