Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
