when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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