i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
