I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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