the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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