Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
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Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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