It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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