Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
