I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
