im drinking this country out of the recession.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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