i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
