You just made me feel so damn special
if only i could text you this smell
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
