I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Every concussion has its silver lining
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Randomize
