i permit you to call me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
