very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Randomize
