So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
