Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
