i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
