I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
