Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
