btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
