So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize