mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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