Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.