Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Your mankini haunted my dreams.