I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
