Jerry, you need to find god
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.