Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.