Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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