i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.