WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cockslap morals
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
