i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize