I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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