pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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