I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
