it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
