Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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