omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
