bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...