70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
