help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
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I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads