I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site