So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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