i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
