She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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