dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
