I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
