Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
