there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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