he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
