i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
