Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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