We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
