just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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