thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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