The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
