im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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