i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
