i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
