Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
