I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
