piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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