i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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