I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
