This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
