Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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